 Don Pedro Gilbert [P] [• READ THIS TITLE •]
Genre(s): Short Short•Language: English
Author: Sandy Lulay
Brief Synopsis
No synopsis provided.
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Author Notes
A fun write!
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Reviews
Gojiro : I like this. As the previous reviewer said, this is a fun read! And thank you for the appreciation. You've really inspired me to do more with that story! (27-Jan-08)
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S. Gaia Chapin : Your fun write was a fun read. The places your mind goes is always fascinating. I did feel that the story jumped around a bit, the sequence of events not quite a straight line. I think it may be the way you place your descriptions.
A patch of seaweed caught in a mess of tar stopped us. Cathy searched the sand for a nesting turtle, hoping one would come ashore. It was a beautiful, balmy night in May. Perfect for a sighting of a logger head turtle laying eggs on our Stuart beach. --Seaweed to tar to turtle to balmy night back to turtle. Each thing is okay in itself, but to me, one idea does not follow to the next cleanly. -- Does that make any sense to you?
The House of Refuge stood tall on stilts in the saw grass and dunes. We could almost hear the ghosts of pirate ships creaking in the May Atlantic breeze. --Also here, how can you make the House of Refuge relate to the ghosts of pirate ships? Instead of two separate descriptive moments, can you connect them? --
But I love this, I love how it rhymes:
“Can’t kill me, no they can’t. I’ll never leave the Treasure Coast. I’ll always be wearin’ this hangin’ rope and roamin’ by the sea haunting this Florida Beach. I’m countin’ my treasures, drinkin’ rum and thinkin’ of ships and women I’ve won. Oh my crow, that was fun!”
There's a ton of potential in this little ditty. Even beyond the points I made (which are only my humble opinion), I enjoyed reading it. And I loved how it all came together at the end, when you found the pieces of eight in your pocket.
(20-Nov-07)
Author Reply: "Thanks for such an in depth review. I'm finding the short story very difficult as I tend to want to make it a poem. I hope I can develope a better "short story voice" with all these helpful critiques. " (21-Nov-07)
S. Gaia Chapin : Funny you should say you want to make prose into poetry. That thought did cross my mind when I was reading your short story. I think that's why it jumps. Prose needs to be so much more expanded than poetry. That's why poetry is hard. So much expression in so few words. Remember, people only bother giving critisism when the piece is interesting enough to be worth their time. (22-Nov-07 )
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Tara Nicholas : What an interesting short short for the writing prompt.
I would like to have gotten more descriptive text in some parts. The feel of the water, the touch of spray from the ocean, stuff like that would have given it a real creep factor to add to the tone of the story.
Whenever I'm at the beach it's the smell that keeps me there. It's so much different than inland activities. I can't get the smell from my mind. I think a dead ghost pirate would have a very powerful affect on the environment.
For a short short it told the story well, I just think there are some senses missing in the telling that would enhance it. You know? Thanks for sharing. (15-Nov-07)
Author Reply: "Thanks for the great review... I always learn so much from them. I agree with what you have said. It could have been much more creepy. Smell is something I never thought of. And at times it can really be smelly on that beach. " (15-Nov-07)
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