 The Pull [P] [• READ THIS TITLE •]
Genre(s): Free Form,
Romance•Language: English
Author: Malcolm Sterling
Brief Synopsis
Brief and wispy as is the nature of love sometimes. But this case is the opposite of fleeting love. Its strong bonds go beyond reason or logic or life.
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Author Notes
This is my first poem that isn't a song. I didn't want to give too much away & wanted the reader to experience the "loss" of focus of the woman and yet her strong will of spirit that is pushing her to keep searching, long after there is any hope.
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Reviews
Sandy Lulay : I do not think you have to come out and actually say the woman is dead. The last few lines of second stanza are confusing to the theme of the poem. The best thing about poetry is that is can mean things to readers that are different than what the poet actually meant. I just posted a poem "Was That You?" written awhile back. I did explain it a bit in the synopis but have often wondered if explanations add or take away. But good critique scrapsoflife. Put it under your pillow and sleep on it- Sterling. Then try to narrow it down a bit. (03-Jul-07)
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scrapsoflife : I've had to look at this several times to figure out just what about it didn't mesh: your notes actually seem to contradict the poem!
I don't see a loss of focus or a lack of hope in the woman's attitude. If anything, her constant waiting and searching is a testament to pinpointed focus rather than a lack. Yes, her thoughts drift, but I get a sense of them drifting along a familiar line, to a regular end, and that persistence of her thoughts is a sign that hope still exists. It's only when a person stops looking or waiting that hope is dispelled. (19-Jun-07)
Author Reply: "SPOILER -- Thanks for the reply. I suppose my notes should have used a different word than focus - perhaps purpose.
Something else that bugs me about this poem and something I wasn't sure how to fix except by coming right out and saying it is that the women is dead. Does that change the meaning any?
I should put more time into this poem and maybe draw out more of her wandering aimlessly along the shore line.
Something else I wanted to come across in the poem, and didn't succeed in telling, was that yes it was love that kept her in this "plane of existence" but now all she's doing is looking outward to the sea with only a brief understanding of why. Yes she knows she is looking outward but she's looking for a ship. A ship that has long since been claimed by the sea and will never return.
I think there is some promise in this poem it's just not well executed at the moment. I'd like to put some more serious revisions to flesh out the above themes. But again without coming right out and saying - she's dead, jim! - I'm not sure how to approach it. I'm against coming right out and saying that mostly because when it's said out loud it's concrete. When it's slowly understood it takes on an ethereal quality and complements her current state and meandering and also draws out the fleeting memory aspect of the poem.
Well thanks again. Perhaps when I get some time I'll do a couple revisions and repost an update. " (20-Jun-07)
scrapsoflife : Yeah, I totally didn't get the dead vibe and it /totally/ shifts the perpective several notches. Maybe if you could incorporate other imagery that carries the connotation of death or spirits or even mention the astral plane or some such you could convey the lack of a corporeal body or a lingering spirit. It's an awful lot to say in so few words but I'm sure if you let it knock about in your head for a while something will 'click' for you. (20-Jun-07 )
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