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"Where writers go to be read.
Where readers go to be inspired."
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 Amateur [P] [• READ THIS TITLE •]
Genre(s): Thriller/Suspense,
Short Story•Language: English
Author: S. Gaia Chapin
Brief Synopsis
A man with a secret life underestimates his girlfriend and pays for his mistake.
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Author Notes
No author notes provided.
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Reviews
Jennie Marie Lein : I had great fun reading this story. Your use of language is wonderful: great play of words and good imagery. It gave me chills to realize that this guy was a serial killer and that Alisha would have been his next victim. After the first thrill of reading, I do have a few questions: Was he intending to kill Alisha all along, regardless of whether she had been pregnant? Did the woman at the train station in Barcelona actually accused him of murder to Alisha, or did she just clue Alisha in to the fact that she had seen him with many other women? What does Alisha get out of killing him? Initially I thought she did it to save her own life, but if she suspected him of planning to kill her, why didn't she just break away from him? Wss robbing him part of her plan, too?
One tiny bit of editing: Should be "They rode to the second floor," not "They road to the second floor" (on page 3).
I hope you've continued to work on this story and that you've submitted it for publication. (10-May-08)
Author Reply: "Thanks for reading my story. Glad you enjoyed it, and that the story made you think and ask questions. Been a while since I read it myself. Had to do so to answer your questions. I think every reader views a story differently, and differntly from the writer's intent, and that's okay, but here goes . . .
Yes, he was intending to do the mean deed, because that's who he is. Alisha said it herself at the end, knocking a girl up first was part of the thrill for him--a two for one deal. The woman at the station only recognized him as a womanizer, not a killer. What Alisha got out of killing him was the money he brought for her, but much more than that was the satisfaction that she was better at the job, the sport, whatever you call what a serial killer does, than he was. She won. He didn't know she was the same thing he was. She did know. In a weird way, you might say, this is a story about serial killer feminism. I hope this answers your questions.
Thanks for noting the typo too. A lot of people have read this, and it's been published; yet, no one until you noticed the error.
Thanks again, and happy writing.
" (14-May-08)
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Tara Nicholas : Spoilers (We need a spoiler alert tag for reviews.)
If Peter Falk were a bastard this is how he would be. The language is so Columbo and dark and gritty. It is quick and precise. It has that essence of gumshoe but for the other side of the law.
"Spring had taken winter by its toes and hurled it into the past." This type of phrase is pure dark detective fiction to me. Say it with a Peter Falk accent and you'll know what I mean. Then read the rest of that "page" like that. Along with the descriptive text and imagery it really adds to the picture in the mind. Is that good? Did you intend to pull from such an iconic source?
I wasn't sure exactly what was going on and only truly understood the abortion angle near the end. The clue with the man and the knife - considering what I read before - may have been some weird sex game he pays for and she provides. I'm kinda dense sometimes. (Going back I missed the window scene were she put his hand on her belly. I need to read slower.)
"her pink tongue tip protruded between her lips like a ripe nipple." Imagery like this really sold the story. And reall stands out in contrast to future behavior. She is so innocent when we meet her and then it all turns.
I do have one question: Where did she get the gun? Was she carrying a purse?
You put together such details to leave this one area unknown begs some questions.
I liked the story very much and it was an enjoyable read.
Thank you for sharing. (25-Nov-07)
Author Reply: "Thanks for your review. Although I admit I still watch Columbo reruns and get a kick out of his sly intelligence, I never thought of my writing in this story as evoking his character at all. But what the reader gets and what the writer intends are often different. As it should be. As far as the man with the knife, I saw that as her view of some sinister person who would perform the abortion. I suppose she did bring the gun to the hotel room in her purse. Okay, I guess I did leave out that detail. I'm glad you liked the story. Thanks for reading." (26-Nov-07)
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Sandy Lulay : I really enjoy your attention to details. I thought the dialogue was great and flowed nicely. The tension was very well done between the characters. The ending came as a complete surprise. Would love to read more from you. (21-Nov-07)
Author Reply: "Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. I am trying to get more out there." (22-Nov-07)
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